When I first started to write this week, I thought that I wanted to write about Something Else. Something Else other than adoption or children or trauma or etc, etc.
But there’s been a lot of talk this week about positive parts of adoption and it made me think carefully about our journey. I’ll be honest, when I think about our positives, I think about them coming from one of our children. She fills our lives with such humour and love that I cannot believe there was a time when she wasn’t here.
And I always think I don’t get the positives from our other child but I’m wrong. They’re there all the time but the trouble is that I’m always waiting for the moment when it’s going to go wrong so I don’t remember them.
Just this afternoon we went for a walk in the woods. BOTH girls were absolutely brilliant, we went ‘adventuring’, ‘Gruffalo hunting’ and played hide and seek about fifty million times. And they BOTH laughed and giggled and ran through the woods and appeared to be the happiest wee things you could imagine.
But I spent the whole time waiting for the refusals, the control, the aggression and the anger and I forgot to focus on the good. (They did come but I was expecting them and I was ready for them and I dealt with them really well. If I do say so myself(!))
Also this week, she told a joke! Admittedly she had no idea why it was funny, but it involved her initiating a conversation, making eye contact to see if I was listening and laughing along with me. I nearly cried I was so happy that she managed this.
So this week I’m going to try a different tack. Instead of rolling my eyes and grimacing when my husband comes in and launching into a list of ‘things that went wrong’, I’m going to smile and tell him what was good. I know from being a teacher that a happy teacher is a happy class and I know that this has to come from me. So I’m going to try really hard to see the positives in my bright and challenging wee girl. And see if I can get the best out of both of them this week. Try.
As for the ‘Something Else’, I have been very proud of myself this week because I haven’t laid on the settee all evening when they’ve gone to bed. I’ve started to make them cushion covers for their chairs at the table. So I’ve still sat on the settee but I have been slightly more productive while doing it.
They highlight their different personalities quite well!
So this week, here’s to dealing with what comes but trying really hard to focus on the good parts and trying to get a dinosaur cushion cover finished!