All week I’ve been trying really hard not to write the piece that I want to write but to write something different and today something happened that has allowed me to do it.
This week has not been fun. After we had the adoption orders granted, we have had a VERY unsettled Big and as a consequence, a very unsettled Little. It was also bad planning on my part as this week I haven’t arranged to meet up with anyone so I knew it was going to be tough. We’ve had a lot of violence, a lot of ‘you’re not my mummy’ and a lot of soiling. But this isn’t about that.
This morning, when we were walking to the library, Big said to me, ‘Why is that girl running?’ I said, “I don’t know, why do you think she’s running?’ Usually at this point I would get the response of ‘don’t know’ but today she replied, ‘Maybe she’s excited to go somewhere’. This might not mean much to a lot of people but Big does not talk about emotions, she doesn’t recognise them in others, she does not react to others’ and she will not entertain the idea of discussing how she is feeling. So the fact that she was able to give that as a reason that somebody else might be doing something was amazing.
After an incredibly challenging week, she said those six words and made me realise how far we’ve come.
The Best Bits
This one is about me but I’ll put it in. We went to the park today. Just me and them for the first time since Easter and we did it. Nobody ran away, nobody spat at me, nobody did a flat out refusal to come home. We did it!
We had friends over at the weekend and it was lovely to hear Big properly laughing. It didn’t last long but for a few minutes she let herself go and giggled with everyone else.
When our friends arrived Little took them straight away to show them the photo we have put up to celebrate the adoption order. “Come and see my ‘ew photo, come and see my ‘ew photo!’ She was very proud of it and it was lovely to see.