Visitors…

This week we’ve had visitors. Not actually staying with us but they’ve come every day. Visitors are tricky. Clearly, getting to know extended family is important (even if so at some point my husband and I might be able to get out and leave them babysitting!) but visits are hard.

Big is very anxious but is not at the point to show this to anybody but us. So she holds it all together and lets it go when they go. This week has involved a lot of getting bitten, hit and shouted at. But it has also involved something else.

It made me realise that actually Big and I have come a long way. When she wouldn’t talk to anyone else, she would talk to me. When she wouldn’t answer anyone else’s questions, she would answer mine. When she wouldn’t hold anyone else’s hand, she would hold mine. (Not always happily but she did.)

This week also brought something else. The girls were playing ‘bedtime’ and Big tucked Little in, said ‘I love you’, gave her a hug and a kiss and said ‘goodnight’. Our visitors thought this was lovely, which it was. I then said that Big never does any of these things back. (She will say goodnight but when we’re out of her space.) Our visitors said, “Oh well, that’s just where she’s at.” And that’s right. That is where she’s at. And that’s what we have to accept and we do and we keep saying it and hope one day it will come back.

But I wonder if our visitor’s children had never hugged them or kissed them or shown them any kind of spontaneous affection, would they find it so easy to just say, ‘Oh well, that’s just where she’s at.’ Because it’s hard. It’s hard doing it everyday. It’s hard putting so much love out and getting none back. And actually, just sometimes I would like someone to say, ‘gosh, that’s hard’. But that’s just where I’m at.

The Best Bits

This week Big offered information about Nursery. Without me asking, she told me who she’d been playing with and what she’d had for snack.

Little ‘helped’ me cut all the veg up for making soup. While we were eating it, she suddenly piped up with, “I cutted these tatoes up!” She was very proud of herself.

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2 thoughts on “Visitors…

  1. I’ll say it .. it is REALLY tough not getting anything back, no affection, hugs or kisses that just rise out of love and acceptance and feeling safe and loved in return. That is an incredibly hard gig. Well done to you for persevering.
    BIg hugs from another mum 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

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