The week that was…

Warning: whingy, whiny post.

I’ve started trying to write this about ten times because even to me it was reading as too whiny. But I keep coming back to it so I obviously need to write it. Apologies for how self indulgent it is.

This week has been hard. We’ve had several things that have been different. Nursery went to visit a different class, Big had a hospital appointment and the holidays were approaching. But this week I’ve been punched in the face four times and I’ve been left wondering, where does this end? Because I know that at the moment, she ‘s only four and a half but where does this go? Fourteen and a half and still doing it?

This was also the week that the psychologist said that if she does blow it’s because I’ve missed a trigger and I’ve failed her. Now, I do get her point, I’m to keep Big safe from herself and I need to get better at reading her but some days I can ask her to do something and it’s fine and other days asking the same thing results in a meltdown. So how do I ‘spot’ an internal trigger?

This was also the week that I asked the psychologist if there comes a point that we need to be worried that Big refuses to talk about anything. It’s like the first three years and two months of her life have never happened. She said there was but ‘we’re not at that point yet’. I’m really worried about this and think about it constantly but I now don’t know whether I need to be ‘yet’.

This was also the week when I’ve been constantly reminded that I’m the adoptive parent. Now, I know this. But sometimes it would be nice to just be able to mum and not the ‘adoptive mum’ or the ‘mum with the adopted children’. At a wee toddler group we go to, another lady joined with a child she is caring for. Another mum said (quite loudly), ‘Oh those two are adopted, ask her.’ While I have no objection to helping someone, it would have been nice to have met her and explained it myself rather than having it done for me. Then Big had a party and I had to say about no photos on Facebook. Then Big had a hospital appointment and I was asked a lot of questions about childhood illnesses that I couldn’t answer and apparently that was just the final straw in a hard week!

So this week was another interesting one. But it’s finished. So there we go, hopefully next week I will have something really interesting to write about.

The Best Bits

We took them swimming today and they both jumped in right under the water. It’s taken us a long time to get to this point and I was bursting with pride. Little announced it to the staff as we came out of the building!

We’ve made a lot of sticky pictures this week. The girls chose who they wanted to make them for and it was lovely seeing them having fun making them

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4 thoughts on “The week that was…

  1. Don’t be hard on yourself about spotting triggers. Sometimes OB creates a drama over an allegation about me which we both know to be patently untrue. Yesterday we had an in-car meltdown because he accused me of shining a light into his face. I was driving at the time and clearly had no light. I find myself at a loss regularly. Sometimes it seems as though he’s having a meltdown because he’s just decided to! I think his triggers can often be slow build ups rather than immediate events that can be avoided or headed off. Sadly I can’t avoid every stress point in his life for him, and, it seems, neither can I always accurately predict what they are or when they’re going to reach boiling point. Parents are humans too. I think your psychologist could do with being a bit kinder to you.

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Personally, I think that the whole ‘you need to spot triggers and stop meltdowns before they start’ idea is unhelpful.
    Most of the time I don’t find meltdowns can be prevented. Sometimes I can defer them, which is occasionally useful. When you do defuse a meltdown, that’s cause for celebration. But, nobody should expect that to be the norm. You cannot possibly avoid unknown triggers!
    I found that there was a lot of pressure on me to be this perfect therapeutic parent and it didn’t help. Not only did I have to deal with the difficult behaviour, I also felt like it was always my fault.
    I would suggest that you make use of any strategies you find helpful, be thrilled if you manage to help your children regulate. But, when things go wrong, just try not to blame anyone. (Apologies for the rant, I guess this is still a bit of a sore point for me.)
    It sounds to me like you had a tough week, but came out on top, still able to see the positives. A definite win!

    Liked by 1 person

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