This week, after a visit to the optician, I realised how adept I’ve become at understanding what Big is trying to say. During both visits, she didn’t say a single word but I was able to help her when she needed and convey to the optician what she meant.
I think that as a family we’re getting quite good at reading between the lines and understanding a bit more about her. We’re understanding her facial expressions, her noises, her body movements and are able to try and put these into words for her.
Of course, everyday there are (lots of) times when I’m not able to do this. When an internal trigger happens and I can’t help her voice it. (During these times I use, ‘you’re safe, I’m here, you’re not going anywhere, etc’)
I still wish that she could voice even one thing. That she could begin to trust us to help us lighten her load ever so slightly. To share the things that she’s so worried might mean we won’t love her anymore.
But we’ll keep trying to voice it for her and keep trying to help her feel secure here. And we’ll keep letting her ‘talk’, we’ll let her scream and cry (and I’ll try really hard to accept this from her.) We’ll show her what she needs from us and we’ll keep doing this for her. I would finish this with ‘and hope that one day she begins to talk.’ But I’m not going to because she might or she might not. But what we do hope is that she keeps letting us try.
The best bits
At the opticians, Big needed to choose new glasses. They were brilliant with her and let her try on as many as they had. She didn’t interact at all until she put one pair on and her face just lit up when she saw herself in the mirror. She had a huge smile on her face and she turned to me straight away and pointed at them. She’s hopefully picking them up on Wednesday.
Little started going to playgroup for a couple of mornings this week. She made a hedgehog and apparently when they were having a wee discussion about them she told the play leader that they have ‘pickles’. She was the only one who joined in the discussion and I’m very proud of her.
We went to the beach this afternoon for a quick run round and a dig. They loved it and everyone came back straight away when asked, nobody ran away, it was good.