I love catching them off the ‘big slide’ in the park.
I love watching Little make connections and links with things she sees and does.
I love seeing Big smile a real smile.
I love(d) seeing Big’s face when she managed to blow bubbles for the first time.
I love going to pick Little up from playgroup and seeing her face light up when she sees me.
I love taking them to the beach.
I love watching them on their bikes.
I love watching them exploring in the woods.
I love hearing Little use phrases that I use. ‘Of course you can.’
I love watching Little carry an umbrella when it’s not raining, just because it makes her happy.
I love watching Big slowly learn to play.
I love taking Big to nursery and watching her wee friend come running to see her.
I love hearing Big ask a question because she’s genuinely curious and not because she’s anxious and needs to hear an answer she knows.
I love hearing them ‘read’ stories with the same expression that I use.
I love watching Little swing from the bars at ‘nastics’.
I love watching Little come into my room in the night and watch her very carefully and quietly close the door behind her.
I love the force that Little hugs with.
I love watching Big climb the rocks at the beach.
I love hearing them laugh.
I love them.
And if I’d written this on Saturday, if I was being honest (like I try to be), I wouldn’t have been able to write ‘them’, I would have had to write ‘I love one of my children’. But on Sunday, I felt it. I felt it hit me that I do love ‘them’ and it felt good.
The best bits
We went to visit my mum and dad this weekend and we did a lot of new things. Not much sleep was had and there was a lot of anxious behaviour but they did really well and it made my husband and I feel hopeful.
One evening last week, just before the sun went down and we were all sat on the sofa, Big suddenly exclaimed, ‘Wow, look at the sky!’ It was so lovely to hear her being excited by something.