I think that my personality does not suit having a bucket list. I would feel pressured to complete it and panic if I missed opportunities to tick things of it.
The last two years have not given much opportunity to achieve things for me. Things have (rightly) been focused on the girls and helping them as much as we can.
But I’m lucky. I’m lucky that I’ve had the opportunity to experience so much. I’ve ice climbed in Norway, I’ve been the first person to top out on an ice climb in the most amazing Scottish winter ever and I’ve climbed some beautiful mountains as a result.
I’ve kayaked in some amazing places. I’ve driven for 19 hours across Canada so that I could kayak the river Ottawa. I’ve kayaked in Scotland, England and Wales. I’ve kayaked in Austria. I’ve camped in my car by a river so that we could get the best water levels in the morning.
I’ve skied off piste in Chamonix and loved every minute of it and I’ve mountain biked in (on?) all of the 7stanes.
I’ve surfed my kayak on Machrihanish and surfed on a surfboard in Cornwall.
I’ve seen the Aurora Borealis standing on my garage roof and I’ve crawled through a cave in Iceland.
If anybody had asked me if these were things that I wanted to do, I’d have probably said no. But I’ve loved every second of them. My husband is the most laid back person in the world, a quality that infuriates me beyond belief if I’m honest, but it means we would never make plans, we would see what the weather was doing and off we would go.
Obviously that has all changed. Our lives are now planned to the half hour. The spontaneity has completely disappeared from our lives. But that’s okay. We might never get to the point where we can disappear for the weekend but the girls have already been in a kayak, they can both ride a bike and they love being outdoors.
I don’t think I will ever have a bucket list as such. But I’m going to try to keep baking, to keep going for wee bike rides, to keep getting the girls out in the kayak, to keep knitting, to keep reading, to keep seeing the light move through the trees when we’re in the woods, to keep developing my ability to build awesome sandcastles, to keep an eye on the Northern Lights forecast. Because, for me, these are the things that are achievable just now. These are the things that bring a wee smile. Maybe one day I’ll trek to Everest but just now, I’m going to try to keep doing the things that make us happy.
The best bits
This week has been tough. It has been about transition and visits and trips and jags and psychologists. It’s been long. But yesterday we made fairy gardens and the girls loved it. We went to a shop(!), we went to the beach to collect stones and to the woods to collect sticks and they loved it. Big spent ages putting hers together and this morning actually asked if we thought a fairy would have visited. Amazing!
The girls played for ten minutes today by themselves. This is the first time in a long while and it was lovely to hear them.