Ever since the girls came I seem to have spent an awful lot of time convincing people that we need help. From family members, to early years settings, to professionals, I seem to spend all my time focussing on the negative aspects of our live.
Every professional we have met has used the phrases, ‘I’m sure when they’ve been with you a while, things will settle down,’ ‘They’re just catching up on missed experiences, it’ll pass.’ These phrases annoy me for lots of reasons. The big one is because it’s not ‘passing’, the things that I asked for help with are still very much present and part of our lives and another one is, why don’t my children deserve some help catching up on their ‘missed experiences’, why do they forever have to be on catch up?
Because we’re asking for help and not getting it, I’ve found it difficult to look at how much we’re getting on, at how well the girls are doing. I seem to focus on what they can’t do so that I can present it at the next appointment to say, ‘look, see, we do need help.’ I watch things and think, ‘Why didn’t the OT pick up on this?’, I listen to things and think, “How could SALT miss this?’, I watch my children in other settings and think, ‘Why can’t people see past the smile?’
After a spectacularly tricky bedtime this week I said to my husband, ‘we’re not going to get any help are we?’ To which he replied, ‘No.’ I realised that it doesn’t matter how much I take note of things, how much I notice them, it’s not going to change anything.
I need to accept that for the foreseeable future, we’re doing it on our own. So I have to stop looking at things we need help with and celebrate the things that we don’t.
So that’s what I’m going to try to do.
The best bits
This week Little went to football and ‘nastics’. She did so well at both, she liked doing the ‘big kicks’ at football and she did so well waiting her turn on the equipment at gymnastics. She was the only one who couldn’t reach the higher bar to swing on but she said, ‘it’s okay, I’ll have lots of swings on the little one.’ And she did. Feet up, head down, hair swishing. She was awesome.
This morning on the way to school, Big told me that she didn’t like the egg sandwiches that school made. This may seem like such a small thing but it is huge for us. I quietly told her I was proud of her for telling me.