Over the last few days I’ve tried to write two posts. One in response to an article in a horrible paper, which before I published it, The Open Nest wrote one far more brilliant than mine so mine will remain in my drafts folder, and another about next year and the things I’m going to try to think more about.
But I realised as I was writing them that I was finding it hard. The words weren’t flowing as they normally do. Then something else happened. I went out on the bike this morning and my mind wandered but about other things. Specifically, how long would I be able to play a tennis game against Andy Murray for*, (about 30 seconds), is there any way to get a not Ikea mattress to fit on a Ikea bed, (probably not) and ‘I wonder how far I could cycle alongside a bird for before they went faster than me, (not very far.)
I think (hope) what this means is that I’m not needing to use the blog as a way of processing everything. Usually when I’m on my bike all I think about is home and what’s happening and how I can make it better or I write many posts in my head about how things are. Either way, it’s always been about the girls and how to help them. I’m hoping that my mind wandering about the ridiculous things it did mean that things are a bit better here.
It’s still very, very hard but as I said to my husband, ‘Christmas was still ridiculously hard work but not quite as hard as last year.’
Maybe next year I won’t need to write as much. Maybe I’ll still need to write every week. (I’ve got one going round my head about play that I really need to get out.) Maybe things will continue to get incrementally better. Maybe they won’t. But I thought, for me, it was nice to record the fact that I thought about something else. It’s been a while.
To everyone on Twitter, thank you so much for your support this year. Your help, collective wisdom and advice have kept our family going and have played a huge part in us moving forward. I am extremely grateful.
So here’s to another year. And whatever it might bring.
The best bits
Both the girls were able to say on Christmas Day that they needed some quiet time. Little announced to the whole room that ‘I just need some quiet time with mummy’, Big told us in a slightly different way but she was able to reflect about it.
They both got two wheeled scooters for Christmas. Little had asked for one (a purple one) but we’ve always got the girls exactly the same so Big got one too. They’ve done so well getting the hang of them as it’s quite a big jump from 3 wheels to 2 but they’re persevering. Big even had a wee real smile on her face when she glided a bit for the first time.
*The running around part of the game, not the returning the ball part of the game. It would be as long as it took him to serve the ball if it included actually hitting anything.