There is a great sadness in our house. It is a sadness that affects everyone and everything. It is a sadness I can feel.
But it is not a sadness I can fix. It is a sadness I can be there for. It is a sadness I can keep showing up for, it is a sadness that I can get as close as I can to, it is a sadness that I can try to reassure and calm. But I cannot fix it.
It is a sadness so great that most of the time it does not show itself as sadness. It shows itself as anger. As violence. As aggression. As noise. To reveal itself would be so scary that it is pushed deep down and not let out.
It is a sadness that comes from trauma and neglect and abuse. It is a sadness that comes from trust that has been broken again and again.
It is a sadness that affects us all. It is a sadness that isolates us. And it is a sadness that is always there.
But as I said tonight, again, we’re not going anywhere. We’ll keep trying to help the sadness. We’ll keep trying to move past the anger and help to talk about a little bit of the sadness. We’ll keep trying.
The best bits
Little had a birthday. She had a penguin party and she did so well. I hope that we were able to create some happy memories for her.
Big is doing so well at trampolining. She is taking her hands off the bar, kicking her legs out and jumping round. I’m really proud of her.