This week…

This week I have been kicked, punched, bitten, had boxes thrown at me, had books thrown at me when I was driving and had my hair pulled.

This week I have watched other children run back to their parents because Big’s meltdown was so terrifying.

This week we have bought school shoes.

This week we had a picnic on the other side of the loch.

This week my husband nearly crashed the van on the way back from the loch due to how Big was feeling.

This week I have been told that I am a rubbish mummy, a ‘not real’ mummy, a stupid mummy, a ‘poohead mummy’, and many other forms of this.

This week I have slept on the living room floor as Little didn’t feel safe being in with Big and she was in our bedroom.

This week I had a conversation with the PASW that involved the comments, ‘Oh, there’s nothing we can do to help with that.’ and ‘Oh, gosh, that’s not really sustainable is it?’

This week we’ve had nowhere near enough sleep.

This week Big and I decorated each other’s handprints.

This week has been trying to get ready for returning to work.

This week I have ordered more books on how to be a better parent to my traumatised children.

This week I have been a not very good parent to my traumatised children.

This week has had me thinking about the future.

This week has left me feeling scared.

This week has been a week.

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8 thoughts on “This week…

  1. I am so sorry this week has been so challenging! 😦 I can totally relate! For the very same reasons we just withdrew the adoption order application and re-evaluate if this week turns into these years…. It’s a hard one! Hope things improve for you all! Xo

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I remember the nerves of meeting our children for the first time, it feels like yesterday. The hope the fears and the big question “will I be good enough?” Well 9 years on I have lived through the “hate you” and “I want to live with my real mummy”. The kicking, hitting, spitty and missile throwing. The verbal abuse and the screaming down the house. I have had police at my door when my daughter thought it was a fantastic idea to ring the police and tell them “My mum is dead and dad is at work” this was at midnight!
    My son has highs and lows and I am never quite sure which is the worst. I ask myself every day “am I a good mum?” and you know what I think we all are. We keep trying through diversities, we ask for help (which we don’t always get) and some how, even in our lowest moments, we find the strength to carry on.
    It’s the memories of laughter and that one great day that tells us, yes we are super at what we do!

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I haven’t liked this, I have shown my love, my support, my empathy.
    This week you have been there,
    This week you have tried, and tried.
    This week you have really struggled, and maybe next week you will too.
    This week you have shown how amazing you are, even if you don’t feel it.
    This week you haven’t let yours down.
    This week you have done enough, you have been good enough.
    This week I stand by you, with you.
    This week sounds absolutely awful. Be gentle with yourself.
    Sending you much love love and support. X

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Sending you a massive, virtual hug. A week like this can leave you feeling drained and very alone. I’ve been there and had many a week like this. We can often feel we are lacking as a parent, but do you know what, we are all doing an awesome job. We have such a hard task parenting our traumatised children, but we still push on. The fact that you have bought some new books mean that you are doing everything you can to do the best for you children- that’s all they need. Make sure you take some time for yourself too 🙂
    Found your post via WASO.
    Lora x

    Liked by 2 people

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