‘How do we keep doing this?’, is the question that keeps flying across my brain.
How do we keep doing this when we are so worn down?
How do I keep showing love to a child for whom, the very idea of love, is terrifying?
How we keep doing this when we have two children? And one of them is so full of trauma that it threatens to engulf the other?
How do we keep doing this when we’re all exhausted?
How do we keep doing this when the fear masking anger is so fierce, so intense, so filled with hatred?
How do I keep being a mummy to her when she doesn’t want me to be?
How do we keep doing, when our lives are already so small, and they need to be smaller?
How do we keep doing this when the physical hurts are so huge?
How do we keep on when we don’t feel safe?
How do we keep on asking for help when I just keep being told that it’s everything that I’m doing that’s causing this?
How do we keep doing this when I have no more ideas about how to help her?
How do I keep doing this when I’m scared?
How do we keep doing this when everyone’s hurting so much?
At the moment, we’re keeping on, keeping on. We deal with what we’re dealing with, we go to bed and we get up and deal with it again. But my child is hurting so much. And I don’t know how to help her. And I don’t know how to help my other child live with all of this either. So we keep doing this. But it’s hard.